Dear Anxiety, You Make Me Creative

I have always told people the same story... "I started blogging because I wanted to show people my creative side". While this is partially true, It all comes down to my hyper-active mind. The same mind that keeps me awake at night thinking about the details of the day before, the conversation I had this morning, the racing thoughts I have about tomorrow, and the "what ifs" for the weeks to come.

I have a compulsive urge to write down my thoughts and ideas.

Although this isn't necessarily a bad thing, I have found that it goes beyond "just writing". I have written thousands of documents in my twenty-five years on earth and ninety percent of them are for my own viewing. I started writing poems in elementary school which turned to fictional stories throughout Junior High. Google Docs was and still remains one of my favorite ways to "get it all out". Sometimes it happens suddenly, like this post for example. I was genuinely feeling creative and impulsive and felt the urge to just type, type, type. I somehow get an adrenaline rush while typing where I feel the need to rush before my thoughts go away and brainstorm everything I am currently thinking.

I figured it was about time to share my thoughts with similar or curious minds.

I want this blog to feel raw and genuine. I don't plan to spend much time proofreading, downsizing my rambling sentences and rewording things that "don't sound professional" because I want it to be me talking to you, whether that be my one or two readers a month. I have been told since third grade that I have such a wonderful, creative and talented mind. I felt comfortable in english class, I felt important as the president of art club, I felt star struck in choir and I guess you can say i'm that "right-brain" thinker.

I have a tendency to fall in love with new things all the time.

I have always thought that I was just the typical teenager going through "phases" but here I am MANY years out of high school, changing my interests and hobbies like a pair of socks. I have a hard time telling people things that I like and enjoy because I find that there is too much in life to be good at and to be knowledgable about. I started my first year of college determined to become a Dietitian. SURPRISE, I changed my major not once, not twice, but four times before I received degrees for things that weren't even my majors. I become so excited to learn something and then It fizzles out until It randomly appears in my thoughts years later. I've gone through a couple jobs where I was SURE this is what I want to do the rest of my life. I study my heart out to become something specific, I spend SO many days and nights putting myself through some real blood, sweat, and tears to become certified or licensed in things before I become even more interested in the next big thing, and force myself to move on after a slight decrease in mindset. Overall, I fall in love with new things all the time but the things that I have put my heart and soul towards are always there. I always come back to them in a vicious cycle. I have a hard time finding just one thing that says "Me".

I don't want you to think that I am a compete nutcase. Yes, I have anxiety and HECK YES it's pretty bad *inserts smily face* . . . But without it, I wouldn't be creative and eager to keep going with all these new ideas that dance in my head rent free.