Trusting the seeds I plant

You know things are looking up in my life when I post anything on my blog because I seem to only do so when I am feeling an overwhelming rush of motivation to share all the wonderful thoughts and ideas I have in my head. It has been an interesting yet some would say not so interesting journey back in Ohio so far. I have gone through so many ups and downs and for me this is simply normal.

However, this time around I feel something has changed.

I have always gone through phases in life where I want to be "healthy". I have had issues with body image since sixth grade and growing up in the "diet culture" is still hard to get over. We as teenagers would see our parents restricting then binging, counting calories then going Keto then back to emotional eating, military diets, weight watchers, diet pills, shakes, you name it. I have to admit that in my adult life so far I have definitely done my research yet still ended up trying keto, intermittent fasting, and other restrictive "diets" that were made to seem like a "lifestyle" choice. These things may work well for people who are little more in control of their feelings but for someone who has a past of major restricting eating disorders, I have come to find that this simply will not work for me.

Something about the word "health journy" gives me the ick because to me it seems as if I will always have to be progressing and moving forward to grow but as of right now I am so content moving at the speed I am in life. I enjoy listening to podcasts and researching healthy choices in the most non restrictive ways. I have come to find that being healthy is 100% a mental choice and until you can mentally understand what it means to be healthy, you will never grow at all.

What does this mean? It means eating the cake when you want to eat the cake but choosing whole food alternatives MOST of the time. It's choosing to take the stairs or park your car farther out at the grocery store instead of forcing yourself to walk on the treadmill 10 extra minutes. Drinking water because it hydrates and detoxes your body, aids in digestion and organ protection, etc and not because you are forcing yourself to skip the sugary drinks.

I no longer eat a candy bar between meals and give up the rest of the day. I eat the candy bar, understand what those Ingredients might do to my body but continue fueling my body with Whole Foods for lunch and dinner. I understand that eating a sugary breakfast before work only makes my night miserable. I feel tired and lathargic and hungrier than ever. Eating a protein rich, balanced meal before work gives me energy and keeps me full until dinner.

The biggest change in my life comes down to the holy grail, mental health. It has taken me YEARS of fighting the urge to medicate for mental health. Yes, I am the one that believes all medication unless for life threatening illnesses should be taken sparingly if not at all. I believe that our bodies should be able to give and fight what we need it to for our health. However, after having so many mental breakdowns since last year that have altered my quality of life, I officially began trying out medication. After a couple attempts at different brands, side effects and mood changes I have officially found the one for me. I wake up happy, I go through life with less worry and I believe that this is what kick started my ability to show up for myself.

Today was amazing and it is only 10 am. I woke up from a great sleep at 7 with Hunter in a calm and content mood. I spent an hour at the gym doing a simple barre upper body workout with light weights and ended doing a post workout meditation with the sun on my face. I took the dogs to the park and didn't even realize I left my phone at home. I then came home and here I am, super motivated and ready for the day. I believe whole heartedly that waking up and putting yourself first is the way to start the day. It became a trickling effect as I showed up for myself one after another. I feel that today will be productive and that mentally I will feel calm minded.

I have finally planted the seed for my forever health and wellness journy. I have the tools, the body, the mind and the spirit to be my sunshine and fuel to allow me to grow at my own pace. Some days will be cold and gloomy and my colors won't shine as bright but I can always know that warm days are coming.